Autograf Grill – Polish Burger

Burgertown

I’m a bad loser. I always remember when I lost, and never forgive myself. Specially when it comes to eating ridiculously sized dishes. Like last time I visited Autograf Grill, and failed to finish their Honey Pork Ribs. I felt empty for weeks.

So I’ve come back. This time, with a taste for vengeance. And a taste for burger. Big, motherflippin’ burgers. Since it’s a polish restaurant, I had to go for the Polish Burger, which, unlike most of your typical burgers, is made with minced pork.

It's really heavy as well. Can be used as a doorstop. Autograf Grill - Polish pork Burger

It’s really heavy as well. Can be used as a doorstop

It has other ingredients, sure, but just look at that patty. Look at the size, the majesty, the enormity. Every bite felt like my jaw was breaking as to how big a bite I had to take. But one bite at a time, and each one as richly delicious as the one before, I conquered this beast of a burger.

Sure, afterwards I felt as full as I’ll ever be. And then I went to see the new Star Wars to the cinema, which meant bad news to the people sitting next to me. But I’ll always remember that day. For it was the day I conquered my demons, and finished a meal at Autograf Grill. And yeah, for Star Wars as well. Good day indeed.

 

Slimy? You probably need a third hand to properly hold this beast of a burger. Good luck keeping everything in place!

Satisfying? A delightful monstrosity, with great polish made meat. Just make sure you’re hungry!

 

Autograf Grill
499 Green Lanes, London, Greater London, N4 1AL
Website
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Autograf Grill – Honey Pork Ribs

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My grandmother always taught us to finish our meals. Everything on our plate. Absolutely everything. No matter how disgusting or repulsive it was. I’ve lived by this code since then, and very rarely do I leave anything (unless there’s brussel sprouts, but those things are evil).

Every restaurant I go, no matter how large and absurd the amount of food served is, it all gets swallowed. Most places are no match for my unfatigable hunger. And I lived in the US for a while, where they sure know their way around massive disgusting meals. Always lived by my motto, “No food gets left behind”.

And just recently I found my new nemesis: this Polish restaurant called Autograf Grill in Haringey. Nothing could have prepared me for the utter humiliation I felt after leaving this place, with leftovers for half my dish in a polystyrene container. Yes, half. This thing I ordered, the Honey Pork Ribs, were not even that big, but they packed a punch. One taste and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I couldn’t have foreseen how impossible it would be to finish the whole thing.

It's like a small army of food just looking at me. Autograf Grill - Honey Pork Ribs Polish food

It’s like a small army of food just looking at me

Served with dried fruits and some incredible cabbage (plus pan fried potatoes in my case), it’s some of the juiciest cuts of meat I’ve ever had, and so intensely flavorsome that my mind wanted to keep up the experience and keep on eating. But my tummy kept holding back. It was too much, too sweet, too fast.

And thus I asked for the check. And the beautiful and quite possibly Polish waitress came back with the check and… with all I left from my meal. Which was enough to have a delicious Polish dinner that very same day. So yeah, I still have nightmares for not finishing it all, but I guess I’ll have to come back and win Round 2 of the fight.

Slimy? This massive pork beast was covered in honey and fruits and spices and… OF COURSE IT WAS SLIMY
Satisfying? Fantastic. So Fantastic, in fact, that I almost did not feel bad for taking half of it home, if only because It meant I would have the same sensations later that day

 

Autograf Grill
499 Green Lanes, London, Greater London, N4 1AL
Website
Foursquare