mexican mestizo molcajete

Molcajete ‘Mestizo’ – Mestizo

Hall of Slime

Tacos, tacos, tacos… burrito, burrito, burrito. With so many mexican joints everywhere, why is it that those are the only options that always spring to mind when it comes to Mexican food? I mean, they’re delicious and nasty, but what about the rest? Is there more to Mexico than tortillas?

There is. In what is likely to be the most authentic Mexican restaurant in London (as told by actual mexicans), Mestizo has a menu with so many options that aren’t tortilla based, that it puts other Mexican joints to shame. And on top of them all lies the Molcajete ‘Mestizo’.

mexican mestizo molcajete

It makes quite a splashy entrance, as it comes in a stone bowl filled with beef, chicken, cheese, chorizo, onions, cilantro, avocado, salsa… I could keep going, but you already can tell this is one filthy dish. So deliciously messy, that it’ll make you think twice about ordering those tequila shots afterwards as you’ll want the taste of this beautiful mess to remain in your palate longer.

mexican mestizo molcajete

Oh, and yes, it also comes with tortillas. But what did you expect, it is Mexican after all…


Slimy? Once you mix it all, it certainly looks like you won’t survive the meal

Satisfying? Look into this stone bowl, and you’ll see deep into your soul. That’s how good it is.


103 Hampstead Road, London NW1 3EL

jerk chicken rum kitchen portobello boneless

Rum Kitchen – Jerk Bowl

Hall of Slime

There ain’t nothing wrong with a little bit of bone. After all, the art of eating chicken is forever paired with messy hands and slippery bone structures. But sometimes, a man must be lazy, and order a massive (i.e. gigantic) portion of boneless chicken to truly understand the meaning of life.

jerk chicken rum kitchen portobello boneless

And yes, my life is THAT simple. It can be explained with a big bowl of jerk chicken, like Rum Kitchen’s massive culinary feast, the Jerk Bowl. Comes in 3 and 5 piece (guess which one I ordered), and with the usual caribbean trimmings of rice & peas, slaw, and… errr…watermelon and pineapple? (not the only place with a watermelon fetish)

jerk chicken rum kitchen portobello boneless

No need to go into how big this bowl actually is, or even if it is intended for one person (it isn’t only a madman like yours truly would eat this on his own). But it sure is delightful. Also quite spicy. Like good jerk should be. But more importantly, the chicken is delicious, tender and oh so easy to eat. Pair it with some groovy rum cocktails, and it’s gonna be a breezy night out.

Life is good when one is lazy. Life is good with chicken at hand. Chicken and laziness. That is life in a nutshell.


Slimy? No bones means less slime. Still, slimy as f***

Satisfying? I’m still full two weeks after having this jerky bowl.


Rum Kitchen
6-8 All Saints Road, London W11 1HH

Carioca – Favela Cantagalo

Hall of Slime

The Brazil World Cup has come and gone. The Rio Olympics have as well. So what’s left for Brazil to celebrate and show the world how great they are?

Beef. Mountains of it. Pulled beef to be precise. Like the beef featured on the ginormous Favela Cantagalo, a towering, mouthwatering dish prepared by the Brazillian cuisine experts at Carioca. Located in the heart of Brixton Village (or Market, who knows really), this is a daunting insight into Latin American flavours.

Delicate pulled beef, cabbage and other veggies, all topped with banana and “things I don’t understand” like cassava, this “thing” might not make much sense upon first sight, but trust me, it’s an absolutely perfect mix of a dish.

So turns out that while Brazil might not have any more soon to come sporting events, maybe they should be looking into competitive eating. If they do, sign me up, please.


Slimy? Careful with this one, it’ll crumble at first touch. Beatifully crumbly.

Satisfying? Each bite packs a hearty punch of delicious Brazilian identity. Come hungry!


25-27 Market Row, London SW9 8LB

fried chicken Chick 'n' Sours House Fry haggerston

Chick ‘n’ Sours – House Fry

Hall of Slime

It’s like in The Godfather: once you’re out, they pull you back in. That’s how and why I end up coming back to a place. Because when after the first time it was such a ridiculous attack on the culinary senses, I just had to try what else this palace to all that is chicken and fried had to offer. At least I was cool enough to go before they expanded to Soho.

fried chicken Chick 'n' Sours House Fry haggerston

And back here we are, again at Chick ‘n’ Sours. This time not for the crazy, coma inducing burgers, but for their signature dish, the House Fry. Which, incidentally, is also very much crazy and coma inducing. Two massive, expertly fried pieces of tender and still moist chicken, accompanied with watermelon slices (yes, I didn’t understand the fruit either, but… it kind of works?). The crunchiness and texture of the fried chicken skin is unparalleled, and will make you instantly regret every single visit to every chicken shop EVER. Which is expected, I guess, when they actually sell pieces of skin as appetizers. Go figure.

fried chicken Chick 'n' Sours House Fry haggerston

Can I give any more praise than being a repeat costumer? Yes. I could be a threepeat costumer. Guess I’ll have to come back for the Whole Fry Sunday


Slimy? Go on. Get dirty. Use your hands. The fork will just slow you down. And do eat ALL the skin. It’s allowed and endorsed.

Satisfying? So good even the Chicken Connoisseur would approve.


Chick ‘n’ Sours
390 Kingsland Rd, London, E8 2AA

Falafel King – Hummus and Falafel in a Pita

Hall of Slime

England has a fascination with royalty. The Queen is still a thing, even if she might not do much nowadays. Buckingham Palace is still hoarded by tourists on a daily basis. And the Falafel King rules over West London.

falafel king portobello road hummus hummous west london

The wha… The Falafel King?! Who is this man, that claims to be ruler of the kingdom and master of all things related to hummus and fried chickpea balls? Nobody knows. It’s a most guarded secret.

falafel king portobello road hummus hummous west london

Yet I don’t care, as the Hummous and Falafel in a Pita served at Falafel King would be considered majestic anywhere in the Middle East. A large serving of balls, coupled by creamy hummus and salad, will end your hunger in a heartbeat, and will make you pledge your allegiance to the kingdom. The falafel kingdom, that is.


Slimy? That hummus won’t clean itself. Bring napkins.

Satisfying? Long live the Falafel King!


Falafel King
274 Portobello Rd, London W10 5TE

Voodoo Ray’s – Pizza


You know how, when you’re a kid, and you enter a candy store, the first thing you do is go by the counter, put your face as close to the glass as you can, and silently ponder which delight you’re going to choose?

pizza voodoo ray's dalston north london ny style

That’s exactly how my adult persona behaves when I go to Voodoo Ray’s. So many styles, so many slices, how can I possibly choose? With such an incredible selection of pizzas, and with slices as big as they can be made, this is one place where you can go hungry.

Now, I wish I could remember which slices I chose. Truth is, I have no idea. They were so fascinating, that my memory was blocked instantly. That, or I just forgot to write them down. Either way: Voodoo Ray’s rocks.

pizza voodoo ray's dalston north london ny style

pizza voodoo ray's dalston north london ny style


Slimy? You’ll need both hands to hold these slices. Massive, and very drippy.

Satisfying? Feel like a kid in a candy store, only old and with adult problems.


Voodoo Ray’s
95 Kingsland High St, London E8 2PB

Harry Morgan’s – Pastrami Reuben

Hall of Slime

I clearly have a Reuben problem. I can’t go to a deli style restaurant and order anything else. Like this time. It’s just part of who I am, and there’s nothing I can do about it.


But who am I kidding? The Reuben is the mother of all sandwiches. A sandwich equally gross and glorious. A true champion of a pastrami tower, with melted cheese, sauerkraut and dressing, it’s just impossible to resist. Of course I couldn’t order anything else: it would be sacrilege to do so.


Harry Morgan’s, a New York style Deli in St. Johns Wood, brings true honour to the legend of the Reuben. Their Pastrami Reuben is as huge as it is tasty, and comes with more fries than you’ll be able to handle after such a monstrosity.


And so, I’m sure if I go again, I’ll just order the same damn thing once more. Because a Reuben is a Reuben. And it deserves respect and admiration. Specially when it’s done this well.

Slimy? A tower of meat in your palms. How can it NOT be filthy?

Satisfying? Glorious as a Reuben can be. Just glorious.

Harry Morgan’s
29-31 High St., London, NW8 7NH

Stein’s – Schnitzel vom Schwein mit

Hall of Slime

Oktoberfest is one crazy experience. I’ve been lucky enough to have been and lived to tell the tale. It’s possibly too intense for any human to handle, and it’s certainly a once in a lifetime experience. Go twice, and you’ll risk every single organ in your body.


Which is why it’s great to have a close enough place like Stein’s in Kingston. Mixing the best of Bavarian cuisine with a lovely riverside location, this is the place to go for big beers and big food. And what could be more Bavarian than a schnitzel?


Order the Schnitzel vom Schwein mit and you’ll get a humongous piece of breaded pork, a heap of potato salad and some more salad. It’s as delicious and German as it sounds. And for the brave, you can certainly match it with a 1lt stein of Paulaner.


It’s a sublimely traditional place, but with a very happy vibe, and it reminds me of the parts of Oktoberfest I actually remember. The ones I don’t… well… those are probably best forgotten.

Slimy? Just look at the size! Massive!

Satisfying? Das ist gut!

56 High Street, Kingston upon Thames, KT1 1HN

The Parlour – USA Meaty Pancakes

Hall of Slime

There’s something truly glorious about a North American breakfast. Dousing pancakes with deliciously gooey syrup is probably the most soothing way to start the day.


Stoke Newington brunch destination The Parlour knows this all too well. Which is why they have a whole section of the menu dedicated to the art of the American pancake. And since they have one with meat on it, well, it’s an easy choice to make (they do have one with Nutella as well… maybe for my next visit).


The USA Meaty comes with a stack of fluffy pancakes, fried egg, some bacon, hash browns, cumberland sausages and a pot of shiny and sticky maple syrup to bathe it all in. This isn’t glamorous, ladies and gentlemen, but it is incredibly caloric and delicious.



So, bid adieu to all those permutations of eggs benedict. There is a choice. And that choice will fill you up and leave you incapacitated for the rest of the day. Exactly what a good brunch should do.


Slimy? It’s greasy meat doused with syrup. It’s slime ON slime.

Satisfying? So much so, that maybe eggs benedict should also come with syrup. Mhhhh…


The Parlour
167 Stoke Newington Church St, London N16 0UL

Big Easy BBQ – The Big Pig Gig Limitless Bar.B.Q

Hall of Slime

Limitless BBQ. Yes. UNLIMITED bbq. ALL the meat you can eat.

What else can I say? Oh yeah, this is a blog. I should, like, write and stuff. But if you’re not convinced by now that you should visit Big Easy BBQ at any of their locations, and make yourself explode out of pure gluttony, then you’re clearly in the wrong place of the internet.


Basically, you show up on a Monday and £20 gets you: unlimited pulled pork, unlimited ribs, unlimited bbq chicken, unlimited french fries, unlimited coleslaw, unlimited bbq beans, unlimited coleslaw, and… one cornbread (I guess cornbread is expensive?!). You also get a beer. You can also go on the weekend, when for £30 you get that and unlimited beer.


So I suggest you find the location closest to your doctor. You’ll be giving him a call right away afterwards. At least you’ll be happy by the time you hit surgery!


Slimy? The level of slimyness is unlimited

Satisfying? Satisfaction is also unlimited


Big Easy BBQ
Crossrail Place (Level 1), Canary Wharf, London E14 5AR